It seems as if we are confronting a powerful and old survival mentality, a collective fear based competition where whoever has the biggest gun or bank account survives and thrives while others struggle or perish.

The costs are getting so great, the horrors becoming so real, and the suffering so tangible – we are being forced by the nature of things to find new ways of relating in the world.

Our first job is to get beyond an old paradigm for dealing with conflict.

War, fighting and violence is part of an old species adaption to the trials and tribulations of life. It is part of who we are, and unless something dramatically shifts, it will part of who we become.

This does not mean that we surrender to this old way of doing things – particularly if we see it’s threatening our survival. Instead, we use it as a starting point for the intentional evolution of a new human relationship with conflict.

Our over-reliance on fighting, warring and violence to ensure survival is not working. What began as environmental adaptation and survival mechanism has turned into deadly disease.

In essence, the thinking goes—attacks call for stronger and more aggressive counter-attacks for fear of looking weak or being defeated, destroyed or annihilated.

This paradigm is an understandable adaptation – knowing the history of human violence, warfare and oppression – seeing the human capacity for genocide – allowing for the human attraction to hatred and greed – but it’s time to evolve.

Our fear-based attack and counter-attack approach snowballs conflict. Even if attacks are justified, they are mostly ineffective over the long term. Aggression begets aggression. An eye for an eye becomes the norm and then our way of being. Which is where we are right now – conflict inefficient and morally corrupt.

Culturally, we attack problems and conflicts – our answer is to fight and hope for a win where the enemy is demoralized or obliterated.

But that’s not how things work. What we put out comes back – even if we see short-term benefits we’ll see long term costs to fighting and aggression.

We’re obsessed with warring and obsessed with running away from it.

And not just in America – it’s everywhere on a worldwide basis – we’ve got a global fighting culture that’s also in numbing denial of the huge costs of our individual and collective approaches to conflict.

We know the history of war and fighting, and with limited exceptions, the results are not good.

We have too many literal and metaphorical wars that are draining resources, hope, integrity, and humanity.

In America we’ve got our war on terrorism, a war on drugs, a war on illegal immigration, and no doubt a war on climate change is just around the corner.

Around the globe we see ethnic, religious, racial, gender, cultural and political conflict on all continents.

We are warring inside of ourselves – warring in our homes – warring in our polarized political debates, ideological struggles and cultural battles – warring for dominance in resources, religion, economics and ideas – warring in ghettos, prisons, corporate board rooms and presidential mansions for turf, honor, respect, vendetta and treasure.

Even though fighting is a superficial sign of strength, at a more basic level it’s a reflection of a deep sense of weakness, vulnerability and threat.

It’s time to remember that only love can melt hatred and heal violence.

When love is backed by authentic and principled power and a willingness to strike in defense and protection – good things can happen.

This means loving people who hate and fight me – even as I defend myself and my people.

There’s enough to go around as long as we’re not too greedy.

And as long as large percentages of humans are courageous enough to transcend to a new level of humanity.

But we’re stuck in survival mode.

Instead of finding ways to work together and live together, we’re focused on fighting for bounty, security, honor and respect for self, family, tribe, nation.

And so is everyone else. Which is why we find ourselves in the midst of the conflict madhouse we call planet earth.

This is not why we are here.

We are a powerful and caring species with major weaknesses. We are caught up defending our weaknesses rather than building our true natures.

We are passing through a period of uncertainty and a survival struggle that’s inviting us to radically change how we relate – to honor and transcend our differences – to find the humanity of the other.

Conflict is telling us it’s time to evolve.

We are being asked to wake up.

How we do conflict and violence is one of the canaries in our global coal mine along with species extinction, ecosystem decline and weather extremes.

Imagine.

Everyone having enough food to eat, good shelter, lots of love and the freedom to be.

Cleaning up the planet of all the toxins we’ve put into it.

Focusing on feeding, clothing and educating all kids.

Investing huge resources on building economies and businesses that deliver meaningful products, dignified work for large numbers of people and a new relationship with planet earth.

Women being able to walk safely everywhere.

Kids playing to their hearts content everywhere.

Men focused on constructive building projects everywhere.

Respecting elders and helping them age and die with honor, dignity and respect.

The time is now to re-imagine the future.

But we’re so absorbed in polarized conflict we can’t even begin to focus on the things we need to do together.

We make huge investments in war, fighting, violence, bigotry and corruption. It’s time to make equal if not superior investments in humanizing economies and relationships.

This is not to suggest that fighting and warring will become a thing of the past. It means that we desperately need to balance out warring and fighting with more constructive pursuits.

Why the madness at this point in time?

Conflict is always a symptom of other forces at work.

It is the natural friction that comes when divergent forces of nature intersect. The tenor and type of conflict depends on the energy and character of the forces that come together.

Our current conflict dynamic, like any conflict situation, is reflective of historic forces intersecting and informing present reality.

It’s a symptom of individual and collective wounding that has been around for a long time and is cycling back to haunt us.

It’s a symptom of imbalances in power and the willingness to use power to subjugate, dominate, oppress, enslave and enrich at the expense of others.

It’s a symptom of fundamentalist belief systems of all kinds and creeds – where my truth is the only truth!

Its a symptom of stress, poverty and hopelessness.

It’s a symptom of competition without caring.

It’s a symptom of separation from and dominion over the feminine and nature.

It’s a symptom of trauma and corruption.

It’s a symptom of rapid change and dehumanizing technologies.

We are seeing what happens when unattended to trauma turns into fear, rage, despair and violence.

It’s easy to believe things will never change. If we believe that, they never will.

It’s time to shift our consciousness about conflict – and through conflict our way of seeing ourselves, each other, planet earth and the great mystery at the core of life.

It’s easy to point the finger at the other guy and say—it’s him, it’s her, it’s them. The truth is, it’s all of us.

We’re all connected, all part of a planetary system that’s in high stress mode desperately seeking a more peaceful balance.

Use conflict as a reminder of what’s most important.

Ultimately, we’ve got a choice with conflict – do we allow it to bring us down into the gutter of negativity or do we use it as an opportunity, a reminder, to focus on what’s really important – cultivating life, love, freedom, dignity, respect, shelter, food, relationships, nature, water, air and abundance?

Take responsibility.

Stop pointing fingers, stop blaming someone else, stop saying we’re all connected but acting as if we were separate. Each time one of us takes responsibility for our part of any conflict the madness stops, it transforms itself into an opportunity for creativity, growth and greater alignment with who we really are individually and collectively.

Tap conflict’s creative genius.

It’s time we deepen our understanding of conflict so that we are able to see it’s fullness, it’s tragic destructiveness along with it’s creative genius.